LOST

I lost a child today.  And by "lost," I don't mean hide-and-seek lost.  We're talking panic mode, out the front door, down the street, across traffic lost.  Scary, heart leaping from your chest lost.  The kinda lost that is every mother's worst nightmare.  Especially a mother whose child cannot communicate to strangers where he/she should be.  I should have known this was coming eventually.  But I'd never be ready for it.  Landon made it out the front door and far down and across the street before anyone even realized he was gone.  I'd like to say he's just that fast, but the reality is, I feel like a completely incompetent parent.  I should have had my eyes on him, I should have known he was strong enough to open that door, I should have been more aware.  I thank God that he was picked up by a woman who has experience with children with special needs and knew he needed help.  I thank God that I put him in his bright yellow "can't miss it" (or doesn't blend in with the road and get run over) Buddy Walk tshirt today, so he was completely visible as he was crossing the street.  I thank God he wasn't picked up by some East Helena weirdo.  (Sorry, E.H., but you know it's true, there's plenty of 'em)  I thank God I had enough people to spread out and help me look for him.  I thank God he's ok, because I had every worst-case scenario playing out in my head.  The woman who found him had, of course, called the police department, and we had to stay & talk to the deputy they sent out.  He was very friendly, very understanding....apparently they see this sort of thing all the time.....I'm not the first person to lose track of my child.  But that doesn't make it any less scary.  And it doesn't make me feel any better about losing him.  He was probably gone 5 or 10 minutes, total, but it felt like hours.  I'm emotionally exhausted and still feeling like the complete opposite of Mother-of-the-Year.  And now, I have to try and teach him WHY it is so dangerous to take off on his own, because now he thinks it's a game.  He's a big boy, and he CAN open that door and take off, without understanding the consequences.  Having a toddler is scary enough, but raising a toddler with special needs is extra challenging, and I can't ever take that for granted.  I'm thankful for the way things happened; it could have been far, far worse.  But Lord help me to raise this child so that both of us make it out alive!